Behind the Smile
by leafdom05
Summary: Following the events of The Force Awakens, how do you cope with so much loss with the sheer weight of expectation on you.


Behind the Smile

Okay so I've decided to post this and I'm so nervous about it. I'm not sure if it really fits in or is worth pursuing so I'd be really grateful for any comments or suggestions.

Prologue

It was automatic, it was expected and with each day that passed I got better at it. Come to think of it what day was it. I seemed to be asking that question a lot recently. I'm not the sort of person to usually take much time to think about things that have happened. I fly when it's needed, I sleep and eat when I can and well that's about it. I don't know where the numbness came from, you just do what you need to get through a day, trouble was at times I knew it was suffocating me.

Chapter 1

Poe threw some water on his face and stared at the mirror in front of him. He knew he should probably shave and he wished he could do something with the deepening the dark circles under his eyes. The cut under his eye was a constant reminder but it was almost healed. He forcibly closed his eyes and breathed out hard trying with all his might to stop the images from filling his mind. He told himself that those memories would go, like the physical scars they would melt away.

The face, he needed to find his even just for a few hours.

Walking back into his main room, he stumbled as his feet caught on something, "Damn it, BB8," he yelled in anger as he stumbled forward. The droid shot back in to the corner. Poe stood for a moment, his hand on his brow as he took a deep breath. He turned to face his friend, "I'm so sorry BB8, I didn't mean to shout at you," he said noticing the droid's hesitation. BB8 tilted his head to look at him and beeped just the once. Poe dropped to his knees and held his arm out, "Forgive me please". BB8 quickly rolled towards him and Poe rested his hand on his head. Beeping with concern, Poe looked directly at him "I know buddy". He sat on the floor, his back resting on the wall and he drew his legs out from underneath him. BB8 rested beside his hip and Poe allowed his head to fall and his eyes to shut for a moment.

He felt himself suddenly become alert to BB8 nudging his side, the sound of the beeps pushing him to register what they meant. "my comlink," he quickly pushed himself up of the ground and grabbed it.

"Commander Dameron,"

"Yes," he replied as sat on his bed and pushed his feet into his boots.

"You had a meeting scheduled with General Organa,"

"I'm on my way," Poe said, his voice remaining calm as he swore to himself. Wishing he had now had that shave, he quickly tied his boots and grabbed his jacket. He strode purposely down the corridor, acknowledging those that he passed and noting that he needed to check on Finn at some point today. BB8 rolled beside him, Poe knew that his droid rarely left his side these days since their separation on Jakku.

As he approached General Organa's meeting room, he thought about what the next mission would be. He needed to be busy, something that demanded his full attention and take the fight to someone, anyone.

"Wait there Commander," the General's Assistant instructed him.

He straightened his back as he waited his turn. His eyes looked at BB8 who rolled back out the room to find something to occupy him until Poe was finished with his meeting. Poe had known the General for some years now, he still felt the same nervousness as he did when he first met her as a pilot for the republic. He had so much respect for the woman in that room and he would do anything for her. To Poe it was an honour just to be in her presence.

"Commander," her Assistant said as he indicated for Poe to enter the room.

"You're late Commander," Leia said as she looked up to see him finally arrive.

"I'm so sorry General," Poe immediately replied feeling disappointed in himself.

Leia smiled at him, "It's always good to see you Poe."

Leia gestured with her hand for him to sit down. "As you know Poe, we have identified a new location for our base and are at an advanced stage in regard to the relocation. I need this to be done quickly and as safely as possible. There are some who feel we do not need to move but to me we have no choice in this matter."

"Yes General," Poe replied in agreement, "just tell me what you need me to do."

"I would like you to have a hands on role Poe, I need someone I can fully trust to ensure the safe passage of our transports to the new location." Leia explained as she began to show him the data of what had been put together so far.

Poe studied it, "Are you looking at fighter support for each transport?"

"This was one of the areas I wanted to discuss with you," Leia replied sitting down next to him, "We don't have enough fighters to give the transporters full cover and I'm not particularly keen to send out numerous transporters at the one time,"

"I understand General, I could put together a team which would provide the cover and we could change pilots for each mission," Poe advised, "we will also need to keep a squadron here for cover until the last one is ready to go."

"Thank you Poe," Leia replied, "I don't expect you to fly each one, in fact it would be beneficial if you were here to help manage the relocation of the squadron."

At the lack of response she looked closely at him, "Promise me Poe,"

"Yes, General" Poe replied, "If I may General the first reconnaissance transport is due out later today, it would be beneficial to go with that one as it would give me a more established viewpoint of what is involved."

"Permission granted," Leia responded, "We will be giving full briefings to all personnel when the reconnaissance team return. Calliam will give you the data pad and you can let your immediate team know."

Poe nodded.

"You look tired Poe," she said as she stood up to move on to the next thing on her list.

"No more than anyone else," he quickly replied standing up.

"How are we doing on recruitment?" Leia asked wishing that she didn't need to.

Poe was unable to stop the sigh from escaping his lips, "We've had a few possibilities and have four pilots being assessed by Captain Wexley."

"How are you doing Poe?" Leia asked sensing the uneasiness within the man before her.

"I'm doing well," he replied smiling, "You know me eager to get going again and doing something that matters."

"Okay," she replied studying him closely. Leia knew the barriers were up within Poe, his eyes told a different story to his outside demeanour. "Poe, if you ever need to talk to me I am here for you,"

Poe hesitated, he hadn't been prepared for those words and the unexpected sentiment had thrown him. His chest tightened and he battled to keep his steadfast countenance. "I appreciate that General but I'm doing just fine."

Leia nodded not wishing to put him on the spot any further, "I'll catch up with you on your return Commander."

"Yes General," Poe replied as he left the room, collecting the data pad from the General's Assistant he went to find BB8 and his team.

The team briefing had gone well and he had narrowed down the volunteers. They had an hour to prepare and soon the talk turned to their former comrades. He couldn't help but think back to the debrief when they had first returned to D'Qar after destroying starkiller base. The number of empty seats, he could still picture them sitting on the chairs like they were doing now. He was determined that there would be no more empty seats.

"Let's get this mission done," he said capturing everyone's immediate attention, "for the General and our friends". The group of pilots nodded as each gathered their helmets and followed Poe out towards their fighters.

He looked over at his x-wing then down at BB8 who appeared at his side, this was it, this was usually the point where he felt most alive. "Time to go BB," he said smiling down at him. The droid looked up at him and beeped away happily. As BB8 rushed away in front of him, Poe took a deep breath, and quickly pulled his helmet on. He felt more comfortable with it on, his eyes glanced around the hanger to look at the empty spaces. Each space had held a ship which would normally have been a hive of activity with the technicians prepping each one and waiting for the pilot to arrive. He considered every pilot as a friend and they were in most cases chosen by him and the General, he could see them clearly as he looked over at where they once were. He felt his heart beating loudly in his chest as he heard their last words, that desperate sound and then silence.

"All ready for you Commander,"

"Thanks Ril," Poe replied.

"Ready BB8," Poe asked as he looked over at his faithful friend. BB8 beeped excitedly as he always did before a mission. Poe couldn't help but smile at him as he climbed into the cockpit. Ril automatically followed him up the ladder to help him strap in.

"I've replaced the power convertors and checked over the landing gear as requested Sir," Ril informed him.

Poe smiled at him, "You're a good man Ril,"

"Safe flight Sir," Ril said as he finished his work.

Looking at his controls he automatically snapped into his final pre-flight checks. He could hear the final orders being given, the transport ship was ready to go. "Listen up," Poe commanded on the open channel, "Stay alert out there, you all know our mission today to accompany and ensure safe passage, no transmissions unless absolutely necessary. Confirm status."

Poe listened as his squad of three confirmed their readiness and with final confirmation from the transporter that it was ready to go.

Focusing on the job ahead, he clenched his fists to rid himself of all his thoughts.


End file.
